Marriage can be wonderful, but only
if you are entirely aware of your individual, unique circumstances. Angel
and I have been married
for a full year now, and honestly, the transition to married life has been
remarkably smooth.
I do not believe our initial success with marriage is
based on luck either. We took it slow and completed the following 7 steps
in an effort to ensure a successful new beginning with each other. I
would recommend these 7 steps to every couple considering the commitment of
marriage.
1. Live Together for a Full or Half Year
First – There is no realistic way you
could possibly know everything about someone until you live with them.
The step of combining your living space will have a dramatic impact on both of
your daily routines. This is something you do not want to put off until
after the wedding. You both need to uncover all the little surprises
first, figure out if it works, and make an educated decision on your future
living arrangements.
2. Put All the Financial Cards on
the Table – Financial trouble is one of the
leading causes for divorce. In order to build a successful bridge between
your finances both of you need to be aware of depth and distance between your
financial standings. Put all the cards on the table, denote any
discrepancies, and chart out a blueprint that makes sense to both of you.
3. Become Friends with Her Close
Friends – Initially this one may seem
unnecessary or even a bit strange, but mutual friendships are a vital key to
the long term success of intimate relationships. Her friends are a big
part of who she is, just as your friends are a big part of who you are.
It is foolish to assume that close friendships with third parties will have no
impact on your relationship. If you two are as compatible as you think
you are, it makes sense that you should be able to get along with her closest
friends. The flipside should hold true as well. It may be a red flag
if this is not the case.
4. Agree on the Details Related to
Children – The idea of having children may
seem distant right now, but time flies. Some people are very passionate
and firm when it comes to their outlook on raising children. Do you want
to have children? When? About how many? Are there any other
expectations or assumptions in relation to raising them? These are some
of the questions that need to be answered at both ends. It’s impossible
to work out every detail now, but there should be some obvious overlap in your
views on having children.
5. Be Honest with Both Her and
Yourself – Relationships are built on a
foundation of honesty and trust. No relationship, and therefore no
marriage, can survive without both parties involved being honest about how they
feel. Don’t just be honest with her, be honest with yourself too.
If something is bothering you now, your distaste for it will only inflate as
time evolves. Make sure you head into marriage with a clean slate of
honesty as it relates to both your feelings and your feelings for her.
Make sure she does the same. This should be an open discussion.
6. Discuss Personal and Career Goals – Everyone has a different set of goals pertaining to their
personal life and career. Some of these goals may have been written in long
before you two met each other, long before marriage was under
consideration. Neither one of you should have to give up your unachieved
goals, but there needs to be a mutual awareness of what these goals are, how
well they mesh, and how they impact your future together as a married couple.
7. Think About the Possibilities of
Change – Change is an inevitable element
of life. Life changes with success, it changes with failure, and it
changes with time. Nothing in the future will ever be exactly the same as
it is right now. Marriage is a commitment that must be flexible in coping
with the influences of change. There needs to be proactive discussions
now about the possibilities for change and a reciprocated consciousness of the
uncharted waters that lie ahead.
Successfully completing these steps
should reveal any hidden inconsistencies in your relationship that might draw a
negative affect on your marriage. It should also clear your minds of any
confusing marriage myths that may
have concerned either of you.
