Create a
sexy space
Your days are busy, so the
place where you spend your nights—your bedroom—may reflect that, with laundry
piled high in the corner and last night's PJs still hanging out next to the
bed. But distractions like those can put the brakes on a romantic interlude. We asked sex therapists for their top tips to
revamp your bedroom into a space where you feel ready to turn up the heat.
Cue your thermostat
"Couples want to have spontaneous sex, but if your bedroom is too
cold you won't want to be rolling around naked in it," says Aline
Zoldbrod, PhD, Boston sex therapist and author on sexsmart.com. In the same
vein, one that's too hot is also uncomfortable and reduces a man's ability to
get great erections, she says. The right temperature is based on you and your
partner's personal preferences, but between 68 to 70 degrees is ideal for most.
"Choose a temperature that won't make you think, ‘oh my toes are so
cold,'" says Zoldbrod.
Clean your sheets
Deep down, we're simple creatures who really don't need fancy,
expensive bedding with a super-high thread count. What matters more is that
your sheets are clean and smell good. "Clean sheets make people feel good,
and they're way sexier than red satin bedding any day," says Gracie
Landes, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York City. "I call
it the clean sheets effect." Another tip: during the spring and summer
when it's warm, hang sheets to dry outside (if you have the backyard space to
spare), which will take the freshness factor up a notch.
Keep a TV in there
You've heard that your problem should
only be reserved for sleep and sex, so many experts recommend taking the TV out
entirely. Zoldbrod isn't one of them. "You can keep the TV for watching a
romantic or erotic movie," she explains. "It's nice to have a way to
do that in your bedroom and not have to watch something on your laptop."
Obviously, use your own best judgment. If you think you'll be too tempted to
turn on the hockey game or CNN, then you could use a tablet instead.
Ban phones
Your iPhone needs to go, says Landes. Considering one survey found
that 75% of Americans say they're within five feet of their smartphone most of the time and one in 10 check their phone during sex, don't even keep the
temptation nearby. You'll be able to better prioritize and focus on your
partner if nothing is distracting you. After all, no one wants to feel
like they come second to the chime of your email, right?
Turn on tunes
Create a playlist that makes you feel sexy, then cue up your
stereo. "Music and sex both tap into a very primitive part of your brain,
and that's why the two go so well together," says Zoldbrod. She recommends
music with a sexy beat that "gives you a wave-like feeling." For some
people, that might be jazz, for others it's Justin Timberlake or John Legend.
Plus, research has shown that music can stir your memory, so playing a tune
from your past as a couple can conjure up good emotions.
Keep a sexy box
If you throw things
like sex toys, lube, and condoms in a hidden drawer, you're less likely to dig
around for those things in the heat of the moment. That's why Landes suggests
putting these items inside a discreet container (this could be as simple as a
shoe box with a lid) and keeping it in a place where other people (kids, a dog)
won't find it, like under your bed. The easy access can even bring you closer
to your partner.
Light a candle
This one may seem obvious, but in the name of setting a sexy
scene, many people go wrong. Candlelight is naturally flattering and makes you
feel sexy, says Zoldbrod. "It gives your brain the message that we're
going to do something special." But the scent you choose can make the
difference between a mood revver and a mood killer. While you might
find roses sexy, your partner might want to run the other way. That's why you
should buy unscented candles, and also place them in a container so they won't
get knocked over, suggests Landes. Not in the candle mood? Dim the bedroom
lights or at the very least, turn off harsh overhead ones.
Get rid of the dirty
laundry
Anything that reminds
you of household chores should be banished from the bedroom, suggests Zoldbrod.
For women, sex is as mental as it is physical, so you may find it hard to get
out of your head if you're worried about dirty underwear on the floor
Make it feel like a hotel
One of the reasons we feel frisky on vacation: It's a special
getaway that takes us out of the day-to-day hassles. Bring some of that hotel
vibe in by putting a nice bottle of water on your nightstand, a chocolate on
your pillow, a super soft blanket across the mattress—anything that creates an
environment of luxury and makes you feel pampered, suggests Landes. For a
long-term investment into your sex life, consider purchasing thick curtains
that can block out light and some noise. "Do whatever you can to keep the
outside world out so you can concentrate on your partner," she adds.
